A big ol fat food rant.

  When I eat gluten, I feel an overwhelming sense of unease and my tolerance for anything and everything goes down to zero. I become a total bitch.  I feel anxiety and restlessness and it lasts for about 2 days. I feel a constant aggitation and restlessness that about drives me mad. Many  times of yelling at the kids and starting nasty fights with the hubby.  The behavioral and emotional effects are not however accompanied by intestinal distress so understanding why I was so angry all the time and restless was not discovered until I just happened to go a couple of weeks last summer without eating anything with gluten in it. It was a fluke thing after years of thinking that I could eat anything and be fine, chubby but fine.

 I had been eating out of the garden during the summer and had switched from flour to corn tortillas for a time.
One day,after these two weeks,  I decided to have a cheese tortilla and I hated the world for the rest of the day.  I could't figure out why I became so agitated. We were enjoying our day and then it went down the tubes after that tortilla.  I tried again to eat the same thing after it occurred to me what had happened. Sure enough it was the tortilla.  The journey of gluten free living began.

 My son Jupiter** has been on a gluten and casein free diet for 5 years so I am not new to GF/CF cooking and eating.  Over the last year year I have discovered that not only am I sensative to gluten but also diary, eggs and  possibly soy. I so wish that I would have know at a younger age how much harder these offending foods make life for me.

 After weighing myself this morning, which I only do in the "skinny part of the month", I discovered that I am now at  the weight I was when I first met Jaymon and only 4 pounds away from my thinnest time in high school. Yay for me, especially after 4 kids. It has assuredly NOT  been the proverbial cake walk...oh how I miss cake.
The key to weight loss is making friends with being hungry. Not always hungry as in empty stomach but hungry in the mind too when you really want that ice cream and yet know that it will add more calories than you have burned. You make a choice.  The key to weight loss and eating is to burn what you consume to stay at your weight and burn more than you consume to loose regardless of what it is you eat or when.  I have found though that certain foods illicit a response to eat more and more of it instead of being satisfied with just a little. This seems to be the case with HFCS, sugar, and fried foods.

  I have been blessed with this food intolerance curse in the sense that it forces me to eat a whole foods diet. This kind of diet also happens to be mostly low calorie. Processed foods hide all manner of  ingredients that are not worth the risk of trying. I know its not worth the risk after trying desperately so many times to eat those supposed allergen free cookies or bread only to be miserable for days and hate my life and family.

  I feel much better than I ever have.  I feel cleaner in a sense.  Stress levels have been drastically reduced and the personal growth I have made over the past year was made possible through these dietary changes. I look in the mirror and no longer think "god, I wish I could loose 20 pounds. Then I would like the way I look".  I also think I run better. I certainly am better at yoga! I am not restricted by the extra baggage. There will always be something I want to improve on and I am always going to be getting older but I must say I do like the way I look now.

All that bleepin' positive shite being said..... I frakkin miss cake and pizza and cheese. Oh cheese how I miss you. Your sharp nuttiness paired with sweet fruit or melted on spicy Mexican food. How about a bacon and egg sandwich on an English muffin with said melted cheese or onion rings or Jalapeño poppers with ranch dressing. Donuts.  I could go on and on and its really all the things I would need to cut out to loose weight anyways since I can't stop with just one. I just have added incentive.

 I think I miss food sometimes more than I missed cigarettes after I quit.  I also am sensitive to nuts so they are out too. So here I sit  bloated and farty and in a bit of pain  after eating my wonderful whole foods. I am in need of some protein.  I could also use some kefir to help digest this food.
I have hit my plateau. I am not getting enough protein to support my running.  I am not against eating meat.  We have had a steady supply of ground venison for a few months and it has been the perfect fit for us. Its lean and free of nasties like antibiotics and hormones. Our supply dried up until the fall when hunting season starts back up so its back to chicken or turkey.  The bleepin' turkey is still frozen and the black bean burritos with  nooch (nutritional yeast) although tasty leave me wanting to chew on a cow or hunt down a rabbit in the back and eat it raw.  I am missing something and I can feel it and yet I can't put my finger on what it is exactly so I want to eat everything.

  I am looking into fermented soy protein and a cheaper hemp protein powder but for this evening, I am just frustrated. I have even cried about it. What a bleepin princess thing to do. Its not like I am starving to death. There are people in the world that do.  So on one hand I feel this need for something ,and am craving everything in order to satiate this most likely vitamin or mineral need, and a guilt for being so petty. GAAAH!
I don't want food to be such a large sense of emotional turmoil (thanks mom).  I want food prep to be relaxing and bring a sense of peace and satisfaction.

All right, rant over. I made my own rice milk using Scott Jureks recipe from his blog.
1 cup cooked rice
3 cups water
some salt and sweetener all blended up for about 2 minutes and then strained.

It made a creamy smoothie that the kids really liked and although it left a bit of sludge in the bottom of my coffee cup it tasted great.  I need to strain a bit more but it was overall a success. Less packaging waste and cheaper too.
 I have been making crispy curried chick peas that everyone loves to munch on and I think I might make some chocolate covered coconut cream and maybe some chocolate covered cherries too.

Maybe after typing that last sentence I will change my mind and accept that its not so bad after all.
I will go be a skinny girl in the kitchen eating chocolate covered cherries thinking about tomorrows run to burn it all off. I don't always feel this way. It will pass. It will pass. It will pass.

Have a fantastic weekend! Be safe and happy and don't forget to sign up for my Nuu-Muu giveaway!



**Its common for people on the autism spectrum to have issues with gluten and casein and one of the most widely suggested measures to take when a child is first diagnosed is to try a GF/CF diet.  My son Milo is also on the same diet as Jupiter and I and I think that the tendencies to have food issues runs in families.